


Good Shite

by jotsuko



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-05-23 08:52:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6111397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jotsuko/pseuds/jotsuko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you flirt with a girl ONE TIME and suddenly you're having hundreds of dwarfy babies</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at like. 4 am bc sera approves when ladies flirt with scout harding apparently? i love sera she always like 'i love gay shite' anyways its femslash february and i can be as gay as i want

Cadash listened, with a slightly offput expression as Scout Harding gave a rather bleak report of the latest village the Inquisition was visiting. Crestwood seemed to be in a perpetual state of rain, which was awful for moral, evidently. Even Blackwall had made a face at the copious amount of mud that got into his shoes as soon as they stepped off their horses, and she knew that she would need to buy Dorian a couple of new robes before she even dared to talk to him again. Sera, for her part, didn't seem to care one way or the other, and busied herself drawing things in the mud with her feet. Although curious, The Inquisitor decided it was in her best interest not to look at what her friend was doing. The rain would probably wash it away quickly, anyways.

Harding's voice never faltered, even describing the flood in Old Crestwood some years ago and undead that now traumatized the townspeople as a result of it. Malika listened intently and ignored the water dripping down her face and seeping uncomfortably into the clothes under her armor. Maybe she should have brought a cowl or something. Solas probably had plenty lying around in order to keep that bald head of his warm. Shaking her head a bit, she turned back to Harding who was finishing the briefing. Distracted and bored out of her mind, Cadash lost focus and noticed that Harding's cheeks looked especially red in the dark and dreary backdrop that made up Crestwood. She found her eyes flitting about, admiring the woman in front of her.

Admittedly, it wasn't the first time she had thought about how cute Harding was, likely wouldn't be the last, but she hadn't found a good opportunity to say or do anything about the slight crush she was developing. Malika’s meetings with Harding were always brief; a quick chat outside of the Herald’s Rest or a briefing on some new territory they entered. And, until recently, she had been casually flirting with Cassandra (that had ended in a really stellar conversation, by the way). If she was being real with herself, she knew this was a totally idiotic time to consider flirting with ANYONE, much less her busiest scout. But this was Cadash, and if she let inopportune moments get the best of her, she just wouldn’t be herself

Cadash pouted, her simplest attack, but it was often the most effective. “And here I thought we’d find a nice quiet corner around here to relax and enjoy ourselves. We never meet up anywhere pleasant.”

Harding actually grinned at that, and Cadash noted with a bit of pride that her cheeks had gotten the tiniest bit redder. "If you run out of things to fight, I'll have to assume the has world ended."

Cadash smiled, kindly choosing to ignore the snort and awkward cough that came somewhere from Dorian and Blackwall’s general location. She’d found out something interesting.

Harding coughed into her hand and straightened. Cadash realized she might have been staring. Her heart thumped when she realized Harding might have been as well. “Anyways, I should head back to Skyhold. I’ll see you all later, and stay safe.” She bowed her head slightly and turned to go down the same road Cadash had arrived on. Not particularly feeling like getting caught staring again, she turned back towards her three party members, making a very valiant effort to wipe the grin off her face.

She was fortunate that none of her party seemed too interested in bringing up anything that had happened in the last few minutes, so she took the lead of the party and they started their trek into Crestwood Village in a companionable silence. Cadash was content, but she wasn’t upset or surprised when Sera broke the silence. The elf sidled up to her and bent forward slightly at her waist in order to get a better look at her friend.

“You and Harding huh?” The dwarf didn’t bother turning towards her but could vividly picture the smile that split Sera’s face.

“There’s not really a ‘Harding and I’ quite yet.” She wiped under her nose, sniffling. Maker’s arse, it was cold.

“Yet?” Dorian piped in from somewhere behind them, oh so helpfully. Shit. Blackwall couldn’t stop the bark of a laugh that escaped him, but covered any others by coughing into his hand. Even Blackwall! Cadash felt her face burn.

Instead of responding (or incriminating herself even more, as it would be), Malika just scowled and walked slightly faster than the rest of her party with her head in the air. She tried to drown out the sound of Sera’s whooping laughter by focusing on the sound of the rain. Regardless, her ears still burned. It was going to be a long trip.


	2. the Inquisitor Embarrasses Herself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> malika is B A D at flirting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "im only writing one chapter" @ myself what a FUNNY joke?!?!?! lets hope i stop at three

The Inquisitor and her companions spent roughly a week in the Village after meeting up with Hawke and his friend. The ritual wasn’t to be for another month, and Cadash really needed to take care of the lake rift. It had taken three days to find out how to drain the lake and to take care of the rift there. After they discovered the Mayor had run off, it was decided they would stay a little longer to help the still struggling villagers. Once she returned to Skyhold, she wasn’t planning on visiting Crestwood anytime soon and it would be best to take care of it them and there. They spent a few days finding the dead for the Chantry sister in the village and dealing with a few leftovers from the bandit group they had cleared out. Once she was sure the situation would be relatively stable, they packed up and took the long journey back to the fortress.

Cadash didn’t get to spend a long time at Skyhold. Leliana had requested they go ahead and scout the Western Approach so that they wouldn’t be scrambling to get there the week before the ritual was to start. Cadash had agreed, and set back out 3 days after she had gotten back.

She left Blackwall and Dorian to rest up, and instead brought Vivienne and Bull with her. Sera had insisted she go even when Cadash offered her a chance to stay back as well. Sera didn't even attempt to explain, as was her nature, so she was present on the trip. As they dismounted from their horses, Harding slowly made her way over to them, keeping a slight distance until Cadash turned to face her formally. They exchanged small smiles before Harding straightened up and gave her report.

It seemed as awful as Crestwood, but drier and with more poison. Cadash made a face at the mention of a high dragon flying around. They'd barely killed the one in the Hinterlands, and Cadash had made a strong effort to avoid whatever beast was waiting for her in Crestwood. The damn things were just everywhere, weren't they! If Corypheus didn't destroy everything, the damn dragon infestation Thedas was suffering from would cause the end of the world.

"Not particularly excited about the dragon?" Harding asked her, mouth quirking upwards as she smirked. Cadash felt her heart give a loud thump.

"I mean, after the last one..." Cadash was pretty sure the members of the Inquisition had heard about the first dragon she and her inner circle had killed. Josephine had had it hung up, somewhere, so that nobles could see. She hadn't looked for it; couldn't stand to look at the thing.

Harding smiled a bit more innocently this time. "Well, I don't blame you. This is probably the worst place I've scouted for you yet." She paused briefly. "You should be careful out there." She added, with a definitive nod.

Cadash was moving her mouth before she had thought about what she was saying. "I feel like it reallys is bad, especially if you're telling me to be careful. Don't worry, though. These muscles aren't just for show!" Cadash lifted her arms and flexed a little, causing a bit of snorting laughter out of Harding. Her heart squeezed. Although Malika knew that was the worst pickup line she'd used ever in her life, she felt it was at least a little worth it.

Harding composed herself again. "Somebody has to. Make sure you don't die, Inquisitor Cadash. I don't want to have to deliver that report." They smiled at each other, and Harding turned away with a wave.

Malika shook her head and turned towards her party, nodding in the direction they would be headed. Sera attached to her side immediately, grinning wolfishly at the dwarf next to her.

"That line was absolutely terrible, Lady Bloomers." She cackled, skipping circles around her friend.

"Not a word, Sera." Cadash tried to feign indifference, but she was sure her ears were red. She had basically forgotten that they were behind her the whole time, able to hear every embarrassing detail of her conversation.

"Does it matter? It seemed to work well enough on our dear Scout Harding." Vivienne said, fixing the Inquisitor with slightly devilish look. "I suppose this is what Dorian meant when he said we might see something interesting. It was quite the show. But you must do something about your hair, and that outfit. How do you expect to impress a lady looking like that, my dear? I keep telling you about appearances, but you haven't been listening. Maybe now you'll heed my advice?"

Malika scoffed at the enchanter, but couldn't find anything to say back. Therefore, she cleared her throat and turned her back on her friends, intent on ignoring them and their advice to focus on the mission ahead.

Cadash tugged at a runaway strand of hair, despite herself.

\------  
Just like Crestwood, the scout to the Western Approach had brought nothing but teasing and pure agony from her 'friends'. As it was, it followed her back to Skyhold, but now more people knew about it. It only got worse with every interaction she had with the other dwarf, and after the siege on Adamant, her entire inner circle, save her advisors, had witnessed Cadash's terrible flirting firsthand. She had waved at Harding once when she passed her on her way towards the main fortress, and had turned to see Vivienne and Dorian whispering while staring unabashedly at her. She ignored the laughter and her own flushed face when she left. After stopping by to talk to Harding by the training grounds, she caught Cassandra looking at them over another one of Varric's smutty novels. When they caught each other's eyes, Cassandra just quirked an eyebrow up and went back to her reading. It was a hellish torture.

"Well, Lady Cadash, I can arrange for the invitations myself." Josephine said, looking at her notes. They had been called to the war room to discuss Empress Celene's upcoming ball. "I will plan one for each of your advisors, yourself, and three party members of your choosing." She paused and then grinned widely. "I can arrange for an extra, if it would please you."

When Josephine received only a questioning look from the Inquisitor, Leliana jumped in. "In case you would be interested in inviting Lady Harding to accompany you." Cullen snorted. Cadash put her head on the war table and groaned.

"Who told you?"

"Just about everyone in your circle knows by now, Inquisitor." Cullen replied. "But, admittedly, Sera was the most excited about it all."

"And I have been given multiple... Colorful accounts of your flirting attempts." Cadash didn't dare look up, fearful of the knowing look that likely painted her Spymaster's face.

"It will be fun planning a wedding instead of troop movements." Josephine said, and Malika heard her take some notes on her pad.

"You won't be planning my wedding anytime soon, Josephine." Malika muttered, head still pressed on the table. There would be no point in trying to stop the jokes. She knew by now it would only make things worse. "Corypheus first

"Oh, I know, but I should start now! Maker knows I wouldn't want to fall behind! Now, I know you like reds, but Scout Harding does prefer blues..." Cadash allowed herself a laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks i love to make malika burn


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sera voice* she was a girl, she was also a girl, can i make it anymore obvious?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so, im a slow fuck,a dn its not femslash february anymore, but it is 'a very lesbian april' or something
> 
> im drunk

"You know, that thing we do. The playful banter?"

Cadash waited expectantly. Harding had called her over to a more secluded corner of Skyhold right before she'd been about to leave for the Hinterlands, close to the tavern but away from wandering eyes. The somewhat shorter dwarf looked to be choosing her words very carefully, tilting her head and opening and closing her mouth a few times before she finally decided to talk.

"Is it just for fun? I would just like to know where it is we stand."

"Well..." Cadash started slowly, suddenly very unsure about whether or not Harding actually liked her like that. She wasn't sure she could handle another Cassandra-type incident. "It is fun... But I would like to continue." She paused. "Unless you'd rather I didn't. I could stop." She muttered quickly. If this was to end up like Cassandra, she hoped the other dwarf would make the rejection quick. Dragging it out would be painful.

Harding's eyes widened. "Oh." Cadash's lips drew thin. "Really? I am.. Stunned, but very flattered. And a little scared, but I'm not opposed to it." She added, perhaps aware of Cadash’s change in demeanor. She cleared her throat. "I do spend time at the tavern pretty often. Maybe you could join me sometime?"

"Oh? Uh- Yes, I would like that, Lady- er, Scout Harding." Cadash felt the color rising to her cheeks. Andraste's tits, how old was she, again?

"You can call me Lace." Harding said.

"You can call me Malika." She replied automatically. Cadash grinned, putting a hand near her mouth. "Lace? Your first name is Lace? Really?"

Lace rolled her eyes. "My mother was a seamstress. Don't look at me like that." She snapped when Cadash tried to suppress some giggles. "Don't tell anyone. Or else."

"Of course, I wouldn't dare. Lace it is, then."

...

They got back around well before nightfall, but with eyes barely open and sore all over. The Hinterlands' problems seemed to be endless. She thought she'd enacted significant change in the situation there only to be presented with a plethora of other issues. Cadash was heading straight to her room for some well deserved rest when the Iron Bull picked her up by the scruff of her neck before she was really inside the fortress. When she was placed back down, she was sitting in the Herald’s Rest with the Chargers around her and a full tankard of… something that smelled strong and was probably liquid in front of her. She automatically grabbed the cup, chugged some, and almost spat it out, looking at Bull with eyes like she had been betrayed.

He only laughed heartily at her expression. “Awake now, Boss? Drink up, it’s too early to go to bed.” She grumbled as he passed her a different tankard filled with something that wouldn't numb her throat. She supposed didn’t taste too bad, either.

Cadash wasn’t interested in getting drunk that night, and stuck to simply sipping on the tankard and enjoying the company of those around her. She glanced around the bar just in time to notice Harding sliding her own way in, looking just as exhausted as Malika herself had been a few minutes ago. She felt herself perk up when they made eye contact, Harding giving her a friendly wave as she responded with a nod. With her free hand, Cadash motioned for the other dwarf to join her by her seat with the Chargers. To her relief, Harding made her way over and sat on the chair to her left.

“It’s been awhile.” Cadash said, feeling a tad lost for conversation topics at that point in time. She didn’t know what kind of things Harding liked or talked about because they had never had a real conversation outside of business. She took a long sip from her tankard.

“It has been.” Harding agreed, taking a sip of something in a tankard Dalish had passed over to her. “I’ve just been here, doing odd tasks until I’m sent off again. Y’know, can't even let you go to one of our camps unless it's been certified by me.”

Cadash fake-scoffed. “You make it seem like preparing to make sure I have a safe arrival is boring or something.”

“I don’t mind it, but it could be a little more exciting. Everyone else gets the fun parts, I guess.” She gave her drinking buddy a lopsided smile.

The Inquisitor grinned at that. “Fun parts? You mean dealing with the nobles and the demons?"

Harding made a face. “You basically said the same thing twice. But now that you mention it...”

After the awkward first minutes, the rest of their conversation went surprisingly smoothly, even when they talked with the Chargers and Bull. Cadash hadn’t been aware of it, but during a few lulls in speech she found that she had been flirting pretty heavily with Harding the whole time. To her surprise (and delight), she discovered that Lace had been flirting back, although not as shamelessly. Spurred on by the alcohol in her blood and the fact that Harding hadn’t yet outright rejected her, Cadash slid her left hand onto Harding’s right, where it sat on the table. The other girl froze up a bit, but simply took her tankard back into her left hand to drink, using it to cover the blush and smile on her face. She intertwined their fingers and gave the hand in hers a gentle squeeze. Feeling some manner of grin of her own approaching, Cadash picked up her own tankard.

It was a nice moment, until Sera screamed, "GOOD SHITE!" for the whole tavern to hear.

Cadash spluttered into her drink, and could have sworn she felt her soul physically leaving her body in that moment. She snapped her head towards Sera, who had managed to sneak over to a nearby table, eyes wide. Sera looked like a kid in the candy store, her eyes lit up brightly as she looked between Cadash and Harding, waggling her eyebrows in the most ridiculous manner.

Cadash hissed and looked back over towards Harding. The other girl's face was bright red and she was obviously embarrassed. And, she hadn't yet let go of Cadash's hand, instead gripping it a bit harder out of shock. It hadn’t yet occurred to either of them that the attention of the entire tavern was on them in that moment.

Sera opened her mouth, and Cadash prepared herself for something that would likely ruin any future dating prospects for her for the entirety of the inquisitions lifespan, when Cullen strode in, interrupting the elf and giving the Inquisitor the most convenient cop out she’d ever had.

She was standing before the man could even start speaking. “Reports, right? I’m on my way! Bye Bull, Bye Chargers, By Sera!” She stooped back down to whisper in Harding’s ear. “Stand up and get to your quarters as fast as you possibly can or else Sera will be on you like flies on crap.” She didn’t wait for Harding’s reaction as she all but sprinted out of the tavern, leaving a confused Cullen in her wake.

... 

Cadash woke up with an awful headache and stiff joints. She had an awful crick in her neck and she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to move. She barely even remembered how she made it to her bed, only vaguely recalling that she had been carried and then dropped none too carefully onto it (that was probably Bull, the big oaf) after falling asleep on the war room floor, in the middle of a meeting. Cadash didn’t feel like trying to piece the events of the previous night together. She’d gotten drunk, probably did something really stupid, and then fell asleep on the war table. That was enough for her.

Too bad for her, it wasn’t enough for the rest of the hold, as she found out later on. Josephine had breakfast delivered to her in her room, knowing full well that the Inquisitor would not be in a state to deal with anyone who might ask for her attention that early after a hangover. Cadash was delighted when the servant came in with her favorite pastries and a pitcher of lemon water. He placed it on her desk and she thanked him, but he didn’t move to leave. After a bit, she looked up at him, wiping cream off her face.

“If you need to say something, you can go ahead.”

He fidgeted before her blurted out his question. “Are you and Scout Harding really getting married, Inquisitor?”

Cadash continued to chew on the pastry in her mouth, slowly, not breaking eye contact with the shy human servant. He was visibly sweating when Cadash put the rest of the pastry down and sighed. He started blubbering out an apology but Cadash stopped him with a tired smile.

“Where did you hear that?”

“W-Well, some of the people in the keep have been gossiping-”

“Sera. It was Sera." She stuffed the rest of her food in her mouth and stood. "I need to go stop this, before Varric finishes drafting the romance chapter in my biography.” She left without another word.

...

As it was, Sera was all too happy to greet the inquisitor when she came looking in her nook, pulling her in and sitting her down on the soft seating area she'd arranged for herself and her guests (the only real guest who constantly came was Cadash, but that is beside the point). The blonde was bubbly, giggling even more often than she normally would when speaking with her friend.

“It’s good everyone knows! It makes you seem more like ‘people’, yeah?”

“Sorry Sera, but I never completely understand what you mean by that.”

Sera made an irritated noise. “Look, when you’re all inquisitory and sitting in the chair, chopping off heads, it’s scary to normal people. You're too powerful, not relatable. What’s not scary is a leader who still gets all embarrassed and gross around someone she likes, right?" Sera picked up one of her pillows and hit Malika with it. "Plus, it’s adorable, right? Kinda mushy, but cute.”

The dwarf rolled her eyes and hugged the pillow that had been lobbed at her head. “I haven’t even taken her out yet and the whole of Skyhold thinks we're engaged."

"In addition, I heard some tittering from a few of the nobles that left this morning." Varric chimed in from a table outside of Sera's room, scribbling away on a piece of parchment. Cadash hadn't even noticed him. "Expect the Orlesian nobles to be questioning your personal relationships at the ball, Inquisitor. I hope you've been taking Ruffles' lessons seriously."

"If you get in good with the Empress, she might even officiate your wedding! She's a loony, but she'd dress you well."

"That isn't the conversation we're having, Sera."

"But why not? It's the fun one!"

"We can have it after I propose to her right? Until then, wait, and no more rumors." Cadash warned, and Sera whined as she stood up to leave. Cadash didn't hear Sera shrieking 'WAIT A MINUTE' until she was closing the door to the tavern.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks im gay


End file.
